My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The air taste purple.
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