the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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