I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
