just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
