yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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