so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
