He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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