I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
