please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
