He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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