I think my fart just growled at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize