eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
