12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
