Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
