I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
