He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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