I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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