Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
