he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
