Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
