were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
