I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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