i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
