yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
