I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
