3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FUCK WHALES
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
