How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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