Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
