i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
