I want you more than these girls want KFC
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
