I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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