what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
