she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize