I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
