peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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