Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
