You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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