I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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