why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
