i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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