you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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