i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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