My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize