I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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