I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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