she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
