oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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