can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
