dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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