nut hugger
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
