kristin has been a bad kristin
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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