no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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