if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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