if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
