Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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