Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
