were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You need Xanax blowdarts
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
