it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
