The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
