i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
