these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
