So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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