My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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