everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
