what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
