i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
