Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
