Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
